Fall-ure versus Fail-ure
Pushing myself in power vinyasa and climbing
I love starting my weekend with a Power Vinyasa class. It's invigorating, it's challenging, and it's a great reason to take a nice Saturday afternoon nap. I love taking class with friends. I love seeing what other people get out of a class. I love feeding off of their energy as they feed off of mine.
This morning, Juregen joined me in class. I enjoy observing him in class. He's strong, he's fit, and he's an "enginerd" like me. He teaches the Strength Series at Go Vertical that I've written so much about lately. He's also a member of his company's adventure racing team (adventure racing is a mix of orienteering, biking, paddling, biking, climbing, endurance, brains and game-theory).
I find some of the poses in our Power Vinyasa class very challenging. Several times during class I'll find myself bargaining with myself: giving myself the okay to drop out of a pose. It's good to see that Juergen struggles in poses too. Its reassuring that he finds them challenging too. That being said -- that whole "giving myself permission" and "bargaining" thing, is something that I need to work on in climbing too. I've definitely had that discussion with myself as I'm approaching a tough move on a route and I question if I have the strength to pull through it: "Maybe I should just fall now and rest and then try it", "I don't think I can hold onto that nub long enough to reach the next hold, maybe I should just stop now and save my strength to give it a try after I shake out".
Juergen talks about this as "fall-ure" vs. "fail-ure". Climbing to fall-ure is climbing to the point that you fall because your foot slips off a hold or your hand looses its grip. Climbing to fail-ure is climbing to the point that you fall because you let yourself fall, because you quit, because you failed.
It's scary when you fall because your arms give out. Falling because your foot slipped off a hold is jarring. It's unexpected. It keeps that fear of falling alive in your head. It feels "safer" when you fall because it was on your terms. It feels like you're controlling it. It's expected. You know its coming. I think for me, that is the hardest part of climbing to fall-ure. I'm giving up control of when I get to fall.
Thursday I was climbing with Morgan. My legs were exhausted after slacklining. I was on a new 5.10- that I hadn't climbed before. I was tired. I had already taken a break earlier in the climb. I was two moves from the end and I yelled "Take!" so Morgan would take up the slack and give me a rest on the wall. To my dismay she replied "no." WHAT?! What a bitch. She wasn't letting me fail. I looked up at the next hold, gritted my teeth, and breathed through the next two moves as my forearms threatened to release. I finished the route. After she lowered me down. I gave her a hug. She pushed me. I needed it.
I need to remember that feeling: that I can push myself past what I think I can do and finish a move, finish a climb and exceed my expectations. I like that feeling. Thank you Miss Morgan.